I feel like something new is about to begin. Or possibly has already begun. And it’s not just fall I’m talking about…There’s been a healing quality to this last week for me, and though my house is a bit of a mess right now, I feel like I’m getting my shit together. I’m bravely embarking on new projects, that I wouldn’t even have considered a year ago. Clearly my confidence is growing….
One of the reasons for the shift in my thinking is that I’m letting go of blame towards myself. Many of the self-help-books that are out there tell us to Take Responsibility, Take Responsibility, Take Responsibility! And I totally agree with that point of view; except for the fact that it doesn’t always apply. This week I finally recognized that I’ve taken responsibility even for things that were in the end other people’s responsibility: I’ve blamed myself for other people’s neglect and abuse towards me.
No book out there will ever be the complete truth. No book out there will have been made Just For Me, no matter what it is. No one way of doing things works for all of us–instead, there are 6 billion ways to do things, and we really do have to work to find the way that works for us individually. All our stories are different, and thus a different manual applies. We have to create that manual ourselves.
So, I’m writing a new chapter in my personal manual.. Taking responsibility is a complicated, multi-faceted matter, and I need to consider it regarding my life specifically. Yes, I can and I will choose healthy reactions and actions to things that happen to me; I can change my negative patterns of thinking into positive; I can take responsibility for my life now and going forward, but other people’s hurtful actions towards me in the past are their responsibility, not mine. I am only responsible for how I deal with them now that I know better.
I leave you with two quotes that I find appropriate today:
You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it. ~Ken Keyes, Jr.
Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off. ~Colin Powell