I am not one to want to leave conflicts unresolved, though I often have in the past.
I’ve been too scared to bring up things that have hurt me, for fear of being hurt again… So after a while, I’ve just let things slide. Unfortunately, unresolved conflicts stay with you–locked in all kinds of boxes in the unconscious. Then, when another conflict arises, the anger is doubled, tripled, quadrupled–because it gets
aggravated by all those other, earlier hurts… Those seemingly secure, locked boxes open all at once, causing one to want to retaliate, often not proportionally….
Confrontation is (still) scary to me. So far, I have not come across many people, who are able to talk through a conflict without re-injuring me. The goal is, that one day in the future, I’ll be able to dodge bullets flying at me, like Neo in the Matrix. Or better yet, stop them entirely..! This week, I find that sitting with my emotions, for however long it takes for me to make sense of them, is healthier than acting on my anger straight away. I am still far from being able to dodge a bullet and I know it. I’m also trying not to shoot anyone myself.
Figuring out how I feel about the hurt, considering the best way to bring it up and to talk about it, may take days, weeks possibly. It is not wimpy–it actually feels quite powerful. As long as I’m not able to call some people out on their shit in the moment, I’ll sleep on it, sit on it, and do it later, as well as I possibly can. At its best, resolving conflicts can be incredibly beautiful and purifying. I have been lucky enough to experience this, more than a few times now…
“The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results.”
-Carl Gustav Jung