I feel very peaceful right now.
This is a new experience for me, as it is not how I used to feel coming back from Finland, my home country.
This time, I was only there for a few days, and I hardly told anyone about my trip. I spent all my time with my family, with whom I am realigning my relationships. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a tendency of turning twelve, any time they’re around their family..? (Funnily enough, a similar thing occurs at school reunions….) The dynamic is so old, and so stagnant, and very restricting… Unless one changes drastically, as I have during this year.
My change seems to affect every relationship I’ve had, especially the close ones. A person’s change requires adjustment from everyone around them… Sometimes I get disappointed, as it is obvious that I am not as enticing to some, as I used to be…
And thus I end up losing friends. But at the same time, I’m attracting and getting to know a wholly new type of person. One that wasn’t a part of my previous experience at all.
But in the case of my family–I am not about to lose any of them. On the contrary, I am hoping to build a healthier, stronger relationship with all of them. One where I don’t feel the need to revert to a childlike state, in order to fit in. Even in the case of family, there is no need to fit in. One can remain a mature Individual even in that surrounding. (Yes! It is possible!!!) And possibly in the process, end up inspiring positive change in others and a new natural flow of things.
This is what I learned this week. And honestly, it is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this whole year. Though in the end I know that this peace I feel, is hard-earned. All the pieces of the puzzle so far, were required, for me to now see what I see.